The shape ruins it all.

You make eye contact with someone while eating a banana. It looks like one thing, and one thing only. No matter who is eating the banana, it looks like that lucky banana is receiving  oral fornication. The office break room, on the bus, or even at home with the roommates – unless you’re in a locked windowless room all by yourself, eating a banana is awkward. The shape of the banana, and the actions that are needed in order to eat it are nothing but thought-provokingly sexual.

This may be my most highly opinionated post yet, on a topic which might seem worthless and a waste of words. But for the next 389 words, I am going to support my opinion of why myself, and many other San Luis Obispo locals find this yellow shaft to be the most awkward fruit out there.

“Dude bananas are by far my favorite fruit. But I swear every time I eat one in public people either give me a funny look or laugh at me. Maybe I just eat weird.”

Said David Wendle, Liberal Arts, Cal Poly Junior, while eating a banana and studying for a midterm in the Kennedy Library.

Tell me, what do you see when you look at a banana?

There are ways to eat a banana without getting laughed at or judged. Just cut it up and throw it in a bowl of cereal or yogurt. Or just go for it, strip the clothes off the banana and go at it as cautiously as possible: avoid eye contact with anyone while the banana is near your mouth, don’t make moaning sounds – no matter how good the banana is. Just look straight ahead and eat it like you would any other fruit. One bite at a time, without thinking any sexual thoughts.

“Sometimes we just stand there holding it and giggling.”

-Stacy Gutierrez, Nursing, Cuesta College

“We joke about the bananas a lot when they come in. Sometimes we get abnormally long bananas and we just stand there holding it and giggling.”

Says Stacy Gutierrez, Nursing, Cuesta College second year, who also works in the produce department at a local Natural Foods store.